Love – Attractions & Repellants
I get questions like:
Why did my boyfriend/girlfriend leave me?
Doesn’t he/she still love me?
Where did the love go?
How could he/she have loved me in the past and not now, does that mean he/she never loved me?
We all know that we can fall into and fall out of love.
The question: Where did the love go? How can he have loved me in the past and not now, does that mean he never loved me?
The answer can be often said like this; no, it means the feelings and attractions that brought you together in the beginning are no longer there. The thoughts and feelings of opposition are stronger, which we call the repellants.
In relating to others we have what are known as attractors and repellants in that we share our energy, thoughts and feelings with others. The attractions are what bring us together in the first place; things like sex appeal & appearance, commitment, conversation, money, having fun, feeling trust and openness, children, and so forth. We meet someone, and there can be a lot of attractions that form the relationship. These are our likes and the repellents are our dislikes. When the attractions become strong enough a relationship is created and when the repellents gain strength relationship is lost.
What we sometimes call love in the beginning, are really attractions, and these can often change after some time, turning into the opposite feelings. The repellents take over, such as dissatisfaction or lack of sex, no time for your partner, habits that annoy, ill health, lack of communication, and many others. It can also be over time one partner is growing in a different direction and the other not wanting to, this is all it can take to eventually end the honeymoon. What you thought in the beginning was the right person, turns out not to be according to your dream and expectations, the reality sets in and the love affair is broken.
We have filters that we use to suppress or block unwanted features within the relationship and that of the other person (for example: thoughts, spoken words or behaviors). In the case of relationships I see this all the time. An individual filters out the repellents so they don’t recognize and don’t have to deal with them. The problem is that the relationship isn’t working and they can’t figure out why.
One of the filters that we have is the ‘dreamer’ part, which keeps us seeing a myth that we have created about the other person. We keep out the negative parts about the other as long as we can, but eventually the repellents come in. We start to see and begin to focus on the annoying habits and idiosyncrasies, or perhaps we finally see that we are headed down two different paths. The dream and expectations of that person we created in the beginning, end. People come to me and say they want to leave their relationship but they are afraid that they will not be able to create love again, or don’t want to hurt the other person or persons involved, in the case of children. This is why we create filters to keep something alive that is not.
Sometimes we project too much on a relationship, and from another human being. First we need to see what we want most from another is what we need to give to ourselves.
We need to realize that we all come here to this earth plane to learn about love and intimacy and grow within, at the level of our Soul and our connection to that of God/Source/Spirit. We need to be responsible for our own feelings of fulfillment on the level of our heart and soul, and then be able to share this with another being. We need to be aware of what we are bringing to the relationship in the way of love and support, making it more of a sharing of two souls, growing in consciousness and awareness, and day-to-day experiences about life.
Rather than dropping the responsibility for yourself and projecting it outward, to how can this person fulfill my life, and me, making it their responsibility to make you happy. That sets up so much expectation and demand on another, that can never be fulfilled, and eventually leads to blame and heartache, and inside we somehow feel empty and believe that we have been robbed and deceived by this person, when in actuality it was our expectations and dreams.
On a positive note it is good to know we are changing all the time, growing in different ways, the more we grow with awareness and consciousness in life, the more we take responsibility to create a harmonious life for ourselves, and we come to feel the truth inside what it is we need in the way of relationships and to call that in, and we also have the awareness of what it is we are willing to receive and not receive in the way of compromising. This is another one of the filters we use. We put aside what we know to be true for us, we compromise and pretend that what we originally wanted was not important and because we so desperately want love and a relationship we settle for less, and give up want we want in order to accommodate the other, or fit with the other persons likes and dislikes, but you can only fool yourself for so long, and then reality sets in and now the decision comes that it is more important to follow your inner truth and heart, and the need to end the relationship happens.
There are a lot of beautiful people out there in which to have a loving relationship with, some may be at the level of acquaintances, friendships, or an imitate relationship. This is where we need to be discriminating. The difference between ‘true love’ that will lead to that ‘life-mate’ relationship, and what we perceive as love. Love is the quality of the heart; it knows no fear or anger. When we live from our heart center, (heart chakra) we are full of openness and love towards all living things and beings. When we are open and the other is open we will feel this connection. Recognizing the differences between these kinds of connections to others will help you in determining where you want this person in your life. Too many people come to me saying they thought they were meant to be in relationship with a particular person because they felt strong feelings in the heart or energy, chemistry moving between them, and in fact this could be the case, but feelings in the heart and chemistry alone are not enough. We need to be traveling down the same path, with our values and interests.
When it is ‘True Love’, how do we stay balanced in a relationship, as our likes and dislikes are changing all the time? This is why honest and intimate communication is so necessary, so that we can make adjustments in how we live. Remember, a great relationship can exist while you both have similar interests and values and mutually supported goals/dreams. When getting into a relationship in the very beginning look for the signs that this person is compatible with your values and interests, so that the foundation is there, once you know the foundation is solid, there isn’t much that can not be worked out, if two persons are willing to. We also have to acknowledge that as time goes by we are growing and changing within, evolving at the level of who we are, and sometimes this means going in a different direction, that moves us away from our partner, if it moves us too much in a different direction and the other is not willing to accept or go there with us, we need to make the decision to move forward without them. It does not mean we do not love that person, but to follow our inner truth becomes a much stronger priority.
Now there is something of importance worth mentioning; knowing that we are all here learning and growing, trying to become more aware and conscious and that it is a process throughout our whole lifetime. We are all working on it; no one is beyond it, even if they say they are. So in a relationship the important question to ask is, are we willing to do the work that it takes, to keep love and intimacy alive. That means that if we are having difficulty communicating because of our past experiences or conditionings, we are saying yes to finding ways to communicate and heal the past that prevents the blocks or barriers. Two persons have to be willing to work together in a relationship. It does not work if only one is willing to make a relationship better and the other is not. Remember a fulfilling loving relationship is about growing deeper in love and intimacy, having the trust and love to surrender into something greater, beyond ourselves that takes in the universal god/goddess energy around us. You can call it divine, cosmic, universal, oneness; there are many names for it.
Here is an exercise, takes 20 minutes. Find a quite place, sit down, with eyes closed, take a few breaths deep in the belly, and center your focus inside at your heart level. This helps get in tune with your inner most feelings, and helps to relax your body and quite your mind. Begin asking yourself at the Soul level, what you need in the way of a loving intimate relationship, what are your values, likes, and dislikes, that are important, that you know are a priority for you. Go deeper than the ego/personality level where our desires and dreamlike ideas lie, to our inner truth and knowing, at our Soul level.
Make a list of those values and interests that are really important, and on this list, for each one of your values and interests choose a number from one to ten, one being the highest, see how important this is for you, example children, if that is a high priority for you wanting one or that you have one and you want the person coming into you life, to accept and want children, that will need to be a number one, so you will be aware when meeting someone new that this is something that has to be agreed upon at a high level. Another example is, if communication is a priority for you, especially the need to discuss and relate on a deep emotional body level, for some people this is a must and for others they are not quite so interested in going there, so it is important that the other person should also be there, at around a number one to three, and not at nine or ten. That would never work, and you would always feel something is missing, and struggling to connect. Complete this exercise and make a commitment to your self that this is the kind of relationship that you are calling in, and that you are not willing to compromise on. When you make that decision that you are not willing to compromise you will see how Existence supports you and that right relationship will come to you.
About the Aurthor: Nirup is a world renowned psychic, clairvoyant, medium and spiritual counselor, she has published many articles in newspapers and new age magazines on the topics of psychics, past life regression, relationship counseling, mediumship and Sedona, Spiritual Arizona. You can visit Nirup at www.psychicnirup.com where she works as a professional psychic and spiritual counselor. Please visit the articles directory where you can view other articles. You can also visit Nirup in Sedona, Spiritual Arizona.