For whatever reason, you have broken up and now you want to give it another try. The first step in this process is to communicate, openly and honestly. Both of your concerns and issues should be heard, respected and given equal consideration. This can only be achieved by being active listeners, putting aside your egos, being willing to take an honest look at yourselves and allowing each other to do their own work. Sometimes the fences don’t need mending. Sometimes you need to construct new ones of more durable materials, set into stronger foundations.
By being an active listener, you need to really hear what your partner is saying. Listen to them with your heart and with your truth. Don’t get your feelings hurt and lash out at their words without really hearing them. You don’t have to agree with all they say but you need to give them the freedom to express it.
Don’t get defensive or angry, even if you don’t see things the same way. Don’t argue or tell them they are wrong. Give them the respect of hearing them when they are trying to open themselves up to you. Let them finish their thoughts and express their feelings and give them proper consideration. You will have your turn and will be grateful for the same respect.
Be honest, not mean or vindictive. Take a good look at yourself before you start pointing out the faults in the other. Do not let it develop into a mud-slinging match. In all situations when looked at honestly, both people have faults, never is one completely right and the other fully wrong. Be willing to accept your own responsibility. If you are honest with yourself you know the truth when you hear it. If you want this to work and you truly want to be happy with this person, don’t jump into defensive behavior at this point, acknowledge and accept what you need to change and work on it willingly. Both of you!
By the same token, you truly need to be open with your partner if there is something bothering you, be honest and discuss it. Don’t give them a pass! If it is still worrying to you and it is not addressed it will continue to simmer and will erupt again. You cannot blame someone else for not understanding something you didn’t explain. Getting in touch with your inner truth, of what you need in order to be happy and learning how to express this to your partner will help the both of you to feel you are moving in the same direction.
Work hard every day on yourself and on your relationship and let your partner work on themselves from their end. It is not their job to fix you and is not your job to fix them, however it is the responsibility of both persons to work towards being the best you can be. When both are working hard on their own behalf with the common goal of building something better, it can grow into a wonderful relationship.
Learning how to use the ‘Inner Knower’ process I have created can help you to clear and heal what you need to from your side, making your relationship better.